Couples Counseling

When I assist couples in working on their relationship I make it clear that I am an advocate for each of them as individuals and the relationship is secondary. After all a relationship is the sum of two people coming together. If each person is functioning well, then the relationship usually is optimum. Individuals do bring baggage from their pasts into relationships, however, and that can seriously affect the quality of a partnership. If there is baggage, then it is very important to identify it and work through it. Often a few sessions of individual counseling can be helpful.

I always help couples understand that if they are both “willing and capable”, there is every reason to believe that the problems in their relationship can be resolved. Personal relationships are more difficult than any other type of interaction. They are supposed to provide just enough “friction” to make one grow. Too much friction creates hostility and an impasse that signifies there are problems that need addressing.

The primary goal is to help each partner feel validated and heard. Once that occurs we are able to move toward learning new communication skills and problem solving techniques that transform the quality of the relationship.